Thursday, December 31, 2009

Where has the time gone?

Ten years ago this time I had yet to meet my husband. . I was a single mom working full time at a painfully lame job at Discover. . Living with my parents. . .My oldest was 7, the same age that Tristan is now. Girl scout leader. . . Had just gained the confidence and independance to start living my life as it was rather than waiting for it to "start". . If that meant traveling and camping with just me and the girl, then so be it. . I'd been waiting years and years for someone to do things with. Sometimes a friend or family member would fill in. . . But Shell Silverstein knew what he was talking about when he wrote "the Missing Piece and the Big O".. . and it was only when I stopped waiting and started living that I met my partner in life. For how could I have a partner if I wasn't ready to be a partner? And life has never been the same.
Still with the bad American habit of wanting immediate gratification, I met John and persued the rest of the American dream with haste... . House, wedding, and added 3 additional children by 2003. . Now I wonder where the time has gone. . . How could my babies grow up so fast?
I sat at the dentist with Branwyn yesterday (no cavities), and remembered her enormous gummy smile. She had the hugest mouth and not a single tooth till after her first birthday. I still glimpse the baby once in a while when she slips into the old habit of sucking her thumb (index finger in nose) . But she's six. She's learning to read. She's fashion conscious. And the imagination. I hope I shall never forget her "Real baby kitties" or the day, when Tristan was at school in Kindergarten, we tried to find their house based on a map she had drawn. . . She was truly devastated when we had to give up our search. And music, I had better not forget the time when we were watching on tv a show about the best movie music of all time. She was an infant, maybe 8 or 9 months old, and while she wasn't really speaking yet she coudl SING. Not the words but the tune! We were just astonished. . Not that it took her long to speak. She was a huge babbler, and as months wore on, real words would appear in her babble and eventually she started making more sense. She's never lost thebabbling habit however, and now strings words together with just as much enthusiasm, (and sometimes nonsense) as she did then.
People still comment on how happy she is. She still bubbles with enthusiasm and joy much like she did as an infant. . But she has her moments and feels disappointments keenly.

Poor Tristan. We didn't get to enjoy his toddlerhood that much. . I probably have no need to refresh my memory regarding the details of his birth. Some details don't fade like others. . a
more sensitive, kind, loving boy there never was. And no media hype, his video game playing has not made him agressive or violent. . It also didn't dumb him down or make him overweight or addicted to junk food. . This boy had mastered the mouse by shortly after his second birthday, and I wish I could say with confidence exactly when he started playing WOW. . He was absolutely playing at four, but could have been three. . . (we no longer play, to his dismay) But it's not like this is all he does. . Was he two the day I found him bare naked wiht the washable markers, decoratedhead to toe? When he uttered the now famous line " Sorry penis.. . Sorry balls. . . .Sorrrry"

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

8 Ways my husband is like Edward Cullen

I confess to being the newest thirty something statistic to the Twilight phenomenon. I picked up Twilight in February after a girlfriend encouraged me to read it despite my doubts. Within the week i'd purchased the remaining three books and plowed through them all. I'm not going to wax poetic about their literary style. They are brain candy. . .
However it seems like fans are in swoons over the character of Edward Cullen. That gentlemanly vampire/stalker we can't get enough of. . .
When I was reading Twilight, I couldn't help but think of . . . . My husband..
That's right. He doesn't drink blood but there are several similarities.
1. He is very pale and can't go out in the sunlight. . .
2. When we started dating, he was certain I couldn't cross a parking lot without killing myself and would protectively hold my hand, or pull me away from oncoming traffic.
3. Despite all my ordinariness, he still seems to think there is something extraordinary about me. . .
4. He has a delightful "Knight in Shining Armor" complex, (well at least he did LOL)
5. While he may not have rescued me from attackers, he has taken care of many opponents in my lifetime, especially when I was particularly "fragile" (such as in the hospital)
6. While he may not have ever really thought about having children of his own (although, unlike Edward he knew it was possible) , he is a wonderful father (and his children do take after him a great deal)
7. While he did not break into my room to watch me sleep, he did work nights and he would stay with me as I went to sleep, then go to work. .
8. I want to be with him forever. . .

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Step to the freaking right people!!!!

Ok I was reminded today of why I hate to go to Walmart. Other than Walmart singlehandedly destroying the retail industry . . . . . . . It's the people.
To put it in a nutshell, i'm just astonished and well, disappointed in humanity. If you don't know to move right. . . your parents haven't socialized you properly!
Seriously folks. Yes, I'm talking about people going the WRONG WAY!
The lighting, the close aisles, the towering rows of cheap goods, the seething humanity. All of it combines to make Walmart one of the most dreaded places to visit. When I go, I want to quickly grab that toothbrush, allergy medicine and whatever other items I had to go there for and get OUT. But in every single flipping aisle, there is somebody standing in my way. Young. Old. Alone, in groups of 20 (who needs to shop with EVERY SINGLE FAMILY MEMBER?). They're parking their carts, going the wrong way and basically taking up the entire freaking aisle. .
This is why society is going down the tubes. It isn't because we've lost the war on drugs. It isn't due to single moms or casual sex. It's because nobody cares to follow the basic rules which are the grease in the cogs of society.
By the time I left I wanted to grab the intercom from the lady at the register and announce . . "Shoppers. When you are moving down an aisle, please keep to the right. When you are stopping to browse, please stay NEXT to your cart, on the same side of the aisle, in order to allow people to pass you. And please, leave your friends and family, anybody who isn't actually going to pay and who can't fit IN the cart at home. . You don't really need seven people clogging the aisle to pick out deodorant. You really do not. . "

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Social Skills

It's been a long time since I've posted, but it's been one of those times in my life that has really started the wheels turning, so I thought I'd share a little about what I've learned about myself this past week.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to meet up with a group of people I was really close with in high school, but whom I haven't seen for nearly 20 years. I was , I confess, a total Drama Dork in high school. I lived in the Auditorium. We did 2 productions a year, and I worked on all of them but one, which meant many hours in the auditorium with the other Drama Dorks. These people were like family to me, and our teacher, Mr. Kenyon was the father of my adolescence. (I certainly saw him more than my own father.
But even though to me these people were like family, I was always on the outside. I didn't really learn how to make friends until I was in my mid twenties, and this is still something I have to consciously work on. This is something i've long known about myself, but this past weekend really provided an amazing amount of clarity into the Me I used to be, and how that Me relates to the Me I am now.
Like all "outsiders" I was always a little jealous of those on the inside. Moving friendships which are dependent on context (classmate, coworker, fellow castmember) outside of that context is something I didn't know how to do, and I was mystified how others managed it.
In a nutshell I was shy. .
SHY? Anybody who knows me would be shocked at this confession. I'm LOUD. I'm brash. I'll step into the spotlight on stage or to give a presentation as if I was born there. But put me one to one, and I pretty much would wait until someone else spoke to me first. In large groups i'm a wallflower, and parties where I don't know most of the people are a nightmare. .
I always thought I was just the "one good friend" type. I'm not shy, I just prefer to have a couple of really close friends. . Well, that's not really true. Because I was shy, i'd latch on to the friends I did have for dear life.
Oh poor Jenni! Jenni Gray was my best friend of my high school years. And like many others, she was just born to know how to make friends and talk to others. This is one of the many qualities that I always admired about her, and still do. Jenni was like the more social person I could have been! After all, we had so much in common. We were in all the same classes and were as close as could be. (Love you Jenni). . But I look back now and wonder, . . Did it ever bother her that I was so dependant on her friendship? Maybe not, we were, after all, the Lemonlimonese Twins. .
But there was something else I learned. Something I would never have known had I not visited with these old friends last weekend. Despite being shy, and not really being "in", I was happy. Student Directing our spring musical Oliver my senior year is one of the best memories of my youth. I always figured everybody was happier than me because they went out more, went to parties, dated. (yeah, I didn't even DATE i high school! LOL). But you know what? They weren't. Turns out that we all had our daemons we were fighting.
Growing up is a slow and painful process. And time is the great equalizer. I am thirty six years old and i've never been happier. . And, with a little work, and a little effort, I now know how to reach out to the people I like and say "Hey, let's be friends". .
Oh and to Paula, who held my hand from Sophmore year till now, so I could always look over my shoulder and say "See i'm not the only one!" .. Thank you for being my friend, from even before I knew how to be one myself. .